Throughout the supporting and caring for someone with dementia there can be what’s called ‘anticipatory grief’ as there are so many changes and losses along the way. You also know that dementia is a terminal condition and you dread the next obvious symptom of deterioration.
Caring is often all-consuming. It takes up your every moment of thinking and it occupies a large part of your emotions. Particularly for carers of people with dementia, it can also feel as if you’ve been battling for a long time, fighting to get services for your loved one, and advocating for them.
It can then be a shock when death comes, especially if you weren’t able to, or helped to, anticipate it. How can this be! Couldn’t/shouldn’t more have been done to keep him/her alive?!
There is much to process and so you may be in shock and denial, or angry for a while. This is all normal. Suddenly you will be without routine and purpose. You’ll need to forge a new identity. Those around you who haven’t been involved with your experience might not have a clue what you’re going through. They might think that it’s an obvious blessing and must be a relief for you to have your life back.
This is where peer support is vital. Other carers have been there and they get it! You may also want and need some counselling as your grief might be complex and protracted.
Dementia UK has an overview of bereavement on their website https://www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/looking-after-yourself-as-a-carer/grief-bereavement-and-loss/
This week, two Together Dementia Support staff took 10 bereaved carers out for a free evening meal; a time to chat over good food. They all commented that it was “So good to be in the company of others who understand”. We will also arrange a memorial walk later in the year. In the meantime, some of the bereaved carers want to meet up again.
Get in touch with us (0161 226 7186)if you’d like to join them or need any other one:one help from our staff.
And thanks to grant funders and individual donors. Because of your kindness and generosity, these heroic carers, who have given so much of themselves, have felt cared-for and supported in their dark days.
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